Stay outta Safetyville.
- JOHN METCALFE
- @citycalfe /
- 11:52 AM ET
- If you want to immediately develop agoraphobia, terrified that dismemberment lurks around every corner, there’s no better place to start than with these brutal PSAs from the L.A. Metro.
- Using stick figures, the ads stress the importance of following basic safety rules (don’t try to beat trains at crossings, never run to catch a train) and the consequences of not doing so. Each one starts with a cheerful woman’s voice telling you a huge lie about how “it’s a beautiful day in Safetyville,” then devolves into the public-transit equivalent of Saw.
- For instance, in “Dismount or Dismembered?”—they all have names like this, including “Careful or Crushed?” and “Heads-up or Headless?”—Jimmy breaks the rules by riding his skateboard on a Metro platform. That catches a police officer’s attention, and Jimmy flees, only to hit a rock and fly into the path of a speeding train. As Jimmy’s leg and arm are ripped off, the narrator cheerfully intones: “Uh oh—looks like Jimmy won’t be showing off his new 360-kickflip!”
- Folks, you can do a lot of things in life, but whatever you do, stay the hell away from Safetyville. Some more tales of woe: